Javi

Not only is Javier Bardem the second sexiest person alive, but he is also a hypochondriac. Via my sister I found this interview with JB by John Malkovich:

JM: [...] Now Javier. I want to ask you about something. You possess one of my favorite qualities, which is that you're a very accomplished hypochondriac. [Bardem laughs] Could you tell me briefly about the first time you felt you had a serious illness that you didn't have?

JB: Sure. I was 14 years old, lying on the sofa watching TV, and my head started to ache. I said, "I am going to die. I'd better call my friends and say good-bye." [laughs] I called two of them, and they said, "Well, go to the doctor." So I went to the doctor's office, and they looked at me and said, "What are you doing here?" I said, "I think I'm going to die." And they told me, "You're fine. Just relax." I told my friends what had happened, and from that moment on, they've been used to me saying that I have serious health problems. I suppose one day I won't say anything and I'll disappear. [both laugh]

JM: Wasn't there also a time when you thought you had throat cancer, so you went to Luciano Pavarotti's throat doctor?

JB: Yes. I had to go to Vienna, which cost me a lot of money I didn't have, and this doctor spoke to me in German, and I didn't understand a word. I was sweating and almost crying, because I thought he had the clue to my life and I wasn't understanding his words. So I made him write down everything he thought about my throat in English, and what he wrote, basically, was, "It's fine. That'll be $500." [both laugh]

I like people who are open about their hypochondria, because it helps me realize I am not the only crazy person I know.

Peaconut

I am not a big fan of metaphors in explaining things that happen in real life. I actually think they don't explain much, they merely make things easier to understand, with the risk of not explaining them well.

However, I will indulge in a metaphor I heard at a talk about cultural differences in friendship. This is not my area of research, but I decided to go to this talk for more personal reasons - I want to understand what is wrong with me. After living here for almost five years, with very few exceptions, I didn't make any good friends.

A student from University of Michigan presented research that indirectly tested the metaphor of peach and coconut friendships. They say that North Americans are like peaches. Getting to know an American is easy and quick, just like pealing a peach. A peach is soft and easy to get inside, as is making friends with an American. However, when you get to the core of it, it becomes harder, almost impossible to get through. Germans, on the other hand, are like coconuts. They seem cold and hard on the outside, just like the shell of the coconut, but once you break this shell, you discover the moist and sweet inside of it. It may be hard to befriend a German at the beginning, but once you do it, you discover a true long-term friend.

One testable hypothesis based on this metaphor was that what Americans see as a friend, Germans see as an acquaintance. I dare to say that I feel a similar cultural difference in how friendships are formed and maintained in Romania vs. US. When I first came here, I was amazed at how easy it was to make friends. Peach. But later on, I was disappointed to discover that very few of my friendships here were as close as my friendships in Romania. Peach core. I guess I expected the outside of a peach and the inside of a coconut. Mutant.

Ambivalence: 362 vs. 3

This weekend I went to the largest conference in my field, in Albuquerque, New Mexico. It's the second time I attend and present at this conference, and every time I attend, I come back more confused than ever.

Here's the source of my confusion. When I am here doing my daily work -- studying, doing research, and teaching -- I realize that I don't want to be an academic. Teaching takes too much time, research is slow and often unrewarding, and people are smart, but extremely competitive. But whenever I go to this conference, I realize that academia may be the right place for me. Talking to others about research, I always fall in love over and over with social psychology - I think this field asks just the right questions, not too broad, but not too reductionistic either. I get to see my crushes (see here and here ), and my friend Megan. I also get to see famous social psychologists, my own celebs. I just love it.

So this is the source of my confusion. I know I need to get a job that I like most days, not only 3 days a year. On the other hand, I don't know what other job would give me the enthusiam that I get from doing and hearing about basic research.

I will leave you with a picture of my roomates Megan and Kristina, taken at the final party of the conference. I never thought I would say this, but social psychologists know how to party.

Sa fac o scena?

Esti un om fara prejudecati - si nu ma refer la sensul pe care propozitia asta il are in anunturile matrimoniale. Ma refer la prejudecati sociale. Crezi ca femeile sunt egale cu barbatii, ca oamenii de toate rasele ar trebui sa aiba aceleasi drepturi si oportunitati, sau ca indiferent de orientarea lor sexuala toti oamenii sunt egali.

Esti un om fara prejudecati si din cand in cand auzi colegi sau cunoscuti zicand ceva rasist, misogin, homofob. E poate subtil --- un inocent banc cu blonde, o observatie ca totusi asiaticii ar trebui sa stea la ei acasa daca nu se pot exprima bine in engleza. Sau poate e total abusrd --- gen "sa dam foc la toti tiganii". Ti se ridica tensiunea, inima iti bate mai repede, te gandesti la toate prietenele blonde pe care le ai, la faptul ca cel mai probabil si tu faci parte dintr-un grup fata de care exista prejudecati. Si ce faci? Zambesti incurcat si incerci sa gasesti un nou subiect de conversatie? Sau ramai serios si spui ca bancul nu te amuza pentru ca e misogin si iti violeaza valorile personale? Sau dai cu pumnul in masa si acuzi persoana in cauza de misoginism?

Trei psihologi sociali (Czopp, Monteith, & Mark, 2006) au studiat efectele confruntarii oamenilor care isi exprima prejudecatile. Trei studii arata ca indiferent de felul in care confrunti o persoana care exprima prejudecati (fie mai pasnic, fie mai violent), persoana respectiva va fi mai atenta in viitor. Se pare ca prietenul umorist care zice bancuri cu blonde nu numai ca se va sfii sa mai zica bancuri cu blonde in viitor, dar va avea atitudini mai pozitive fata de femei. Intr-adevar, confruntarea nu va reduce prejudecatile private ale persoanei. Si cel mai probabil va mai incerca bancul cu altii "mai cu umor" decat tine. Dar e un inceput.

Una din observatiile mele referitoare la prejudecatile din Romania este ca normele sociale permit exprimarea prejudecatilor. E ok sa exprimi atitudini negative fata de grupurile de oameni care nu iti plac. Dar daca ne luam inima in dinti si spunem ceva de fiecare data cand auzim un comentariu rasist/homofob/misogin/etc., poate reusim, incet incet, sa schimbam norma sociala. Deci primul pas: nu e ok. Chiar daca se schimba doar comportamentul, in timp se vor schimba si atitudinile private.

Quantum Leap

I keep complaining not knowing what to do with my life. So I thought I would start big: imagine my perfect life 5 years from now.


Hello. I am Ionuka, I am 32 years old.
- I live in a big city. (Preferably European, but NYC is fine too.)
- I can still make Michael laugh and I can still see the little spark in his eyes when he comes home and sees me.
- My sister lives no more than twenty minutes away from us. (Preferably 5.)
- So does Oli.
- So do other friends.
- I have a job doing research for a non-profit organization. In my job I am using what I've learned in grad school.
- My mum is living in a house in the countryside, near Arad. We often go there to visit her.
- I have a healthy child. My child's best friend is Cico Nan.
- Michael has a job that doesn't start too early in the morning. He spends some evenings writing his first book.
- I am healthy. I can still run 5 miles. In fact, I often go running with my sister.
- I am not a hypochodriac anymore.
- I am living my life mindfully.